A week ago - 340 lbs. Tears. Hopelessness. ANGER. Pain.... so much pain.
In the orientation to bariatric surgery (I am still shocked that I have allowed myself to get to this point, mind you...) they tell you to plan your meals ahead of time...I can hear him saying this but in my mind I am yelling at him - We have too much to try and cram into our lives as it is! I'm sitting there in the class and I am getting angry because the bar is WAY THE EFF UP THERE and there is no way my 340lb tired body can bounce my way up that tremendous ladder to skinny....
and then....
We started with small goals and we did it together. First thing is first - NO MORE TV WITH DINNER! That's right - no more Dr. Who. No more baseball. No more distractions while eating and just like that, we did it. At first, my husband twisted his face and stuck out his bottom lip. No cell phones, no internet, no distractions at all. He silently protested as I expected he would - I expected my son to raise all kinds of heck because he couldn't watch Steve Harvey on Family Feud while nomming down a corn dog. I was expecting it to be un realistic - in a society where people don't sit down together and eat a meal on a daily basis. To my surprise, something amazing happened... My son told me about his day. My husband shared the news at his job. We told jokes. We laughed. We. had. a. conversation. And it wasn't over text messages! Strangely, we liked it. And for the past week we have been enjoying our dinners at the table.
We even took it a step father and took our meals outside. We cleaned off the horribly neglected patio furniture and scared away all the spiders. (KILL THEM WITH FIRE!) We set up our little gazebo and cleaned out our grill and now we have dinners outside while the sun sets. The kids love it and we have found that by cooking outside our meals are so much healthier!
I have to weigh everything I eat as during this past week I have been sticking to a STRICT (not so strict...) 1200 calorie diet as suggested by my physician. Don't worry, ya'all! I am under the supervision of a physician while I slowly starve myself and deprive myself of the things I used to love.... training myself to resist the samosa cookie ice cream is still a struggle and it is very real. I have been eating a lot of lean proteins, vegetables, and grains to balance my day and by far, dinner is my favorite meal.
Breakfasts have been pretty simple, 2 hard boiled eggs and a cheese stick. Nothing fancy here, folks! But certainly some room for fruit if I want some. Lunches have been of the "Lean Cuisine" variety and THANK GOODNESS FOR THEM! I don't feel like I am starving myself and most of the time they're pretty good (though I will pass big time on the Salisbury steak.... sounds like a good idea but it's not, trust me.)
Meals are a big deal when you're fighting your waistband. It's big - and can take a lot of time to master the right formula that works for us. Everyone is different. We have different needs and different habits and different influences. It seems hugely overwhelming when you look at the big picture. Heck, 190 pounds is a lot.... but we start small. At the risk of sounding like a cliché - We make small sustainable changes and it all adds up. I have to lose the equivalent of a senior kicker on the high school football team.... I have to lose a David Tennant. I can't focus on that though... I can focus on what I put in my body.
Tonight, it's Garlic Chipotle Grilled Pork Tenderloin (5 oz), 1/2 cup steamed veggies, 1/2 cup of rice pilaf. This still puts me under by 125 calories so ... I just might splurge and have some sorbet!
329.1 lbs.... mountains to go.
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